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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25156117">The Cost of War</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilightLegacy13/pseuds/TwilightLegacy13'>TwilightLegacy13</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Shattered Realms Series - Cinda Williams Chima</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Gen, Magical Possession, Multi Chapter, Spoilers for Deathcaster, Takes place during Deathcaster</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:07:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,746</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25156117</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilightLegacy13/pseuds/TwilightLegacy13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After The Sea Wolf sinks, Finn sul'Mander is sure that he must be losing his mind.  He's shaken by the trauma that he has experienced from the years-long war with Arden, he's still recovering from the physical and mental wounds he received in battle, he's separated from Julianna on a mission that he might not return from, and now on top of everything else, he seems to be suffering from amnesia at inopportune and suspicious moments.  As he told Adrian aboard the ship, he misses things - and alone with Hadley DeVilliers after the ship's sinking, what exactly is he missing?</p>
<p>Hadley knows what she saw:  Finn was the one who was responsible for sinking her ship, and now he claims to have forgotten the incident.  As they return together to the Queendom of the Fells, Hadley finds herself struggling with whether to confront him about what happened, as well as debating the price she might have to pay for endangering herself by telling Finn what she saw.</p>
<p>Spoilers for Deathcaster!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>As soon as I read the meeting scene in Deathcaster, I wanted to know what happened while Finn and Hadley were returning to the Fells.  Hadley clearly knows that it was Finn who sank the ship, but she couldn't have said anything about it to him while they were going back because he didn't know that she knew about it (and, likely, that he did it at all).  Finn is a fascinating character to me because he has so many mental scars, both from growing up in the middle of a war to the fact that he has been being possessed and manipulated into most of his current actions.  I wanted to explore his character a bit more here, as he struggles with himself while finding out what might be happening to him even though he can do nothing about it.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Content warnings:  Trauma, discussions of death, grief.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first thing that Finn sul’Mander heard was call of distant gulls and other sea birds in flight.  Slowly, he became aware of his other surroundings—the rhythmic crashing of waves on a shore, the yielding softness of sand beneath him, the hand clasping his shoulder and shaking him slightly, and the familiar voice repeating his name.</p><p>He opened his eyes, not even beginning to understand where he was or what he was doing here.  At first everything was blurred, but when his vision cleared, he could see Hadley DeVilliers, knelt on the beach and leaning over him.</p><p>“Where are we?” he whispered.</p><p>“Deepwater Court,” she replied.  “Don’t worry, it’s a remote area of the beach that hardly anyone goes near.”</p><p>That didn’t enlighten him at all, or give him an answer to his other question that he hadn’t asked yet.  “But why are we here?”</p><p>Hadley tilted her head quizzically.  Either the gesture looked funny from Finn’s angle, or he was still out of it from—</p><p>That was his problem.  He didn’t know what.</p><p>“We could see land, so we swam to shore,” she told him.  “Remember?” When she said this, it occurred to him that both of them were drenched in water, but he still didn’t understand.</p><p>Finn shook his head, feeling increasingly alarmed.  “But why would we do that?” he asked.  “Weren’t we on <em>The Sea Wolf</em>?  With Adrian, and Talbot and Strangward?” He propped himself up on one elbow, suddenly struck by the sensation that he’d said something that made sense.  He did know for a fact that they had been on the ship.</p><p>In fact, now that he thought about it, he could remember most of the journey across the Indio.  His latest memory was when Hadley had spotted another ship approaching, and told him to stay where he was while she went belowdecks to talk to Strangward.  Something about him verifying who was on the ship.  Finn had had a headache, which had been more frequent as of late, and leaned against the mast of the ship for just a moment and closed his eyes.</p><p>And then woke up here on the beach.</p><p>Hadley was staring at him as if the question were hard.  “We were,” she said slowly.  “But when the Carthians and the bloodsworn showed up—well, don’t you remember that?”</p><p>Finn shook his head again.</p><p>She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully.  “Well, Strangward came up on deck and said that it was Tully Samara’s ship, and you were <em>there</em>, so you should know that.  We tried to stall for time, but they started to attack.  So I put you in charge of placing magical barriers, which you did, but—but for some reason they came down, and we took a hit to the stern, and <em>The Sea Wolf</em> sank.”</p><p>Finn got the impression that she was leaving some things out of the story, and he couldn’t fathom why.  Maybe she was still shaken up about the loss of her ship.</p><p>“A moment ago, you said we swam to shore,” he recalled.  “So where are Adrian, Talbot, and Strangward?  And the crew?”</p><p>Hadley closed her eyes for a moment.  “Ash and Talbot were standing by the stern when we were hit,” she said, as if picking her words carefully.  “And I don’t know where Strangward was at the time, but I can’t imagine that any of them would still be alive after what happened to the ship.”</p><p>Finn felt like he’d slammed into a brick wall.  Adrian had been his friend since they were lýtlings, back when they used to escape their tutors by using the same tunnels in the Fellsmarch Castle.  And Sasha Talbot was the kind of person who could withstand anything.  And Strangward—</p><p>A thought occurred to him.  “Was he the one who took down the barriers?” Finn demanded, gripping Hadley’s shoulders and using her as leverage so he could sit up completely.  “Strangward, I mean?”</p><p>As soon as he sat up, Hadley pulled away, which surprised him, though he didn’t say anything.  “I don’t know,” she said shakily.  “It all happened so fast.” Then she added, “And you really don’t remember any of it?”</p><p>“No.” Finn remembered what he had said to Adrian on the ship.  <em>It’s like I have times where I miss things.  I just blank out.  I think I’m losing my mind.  </em>How could he possibly have forgotten an attack between two ships, the sinking of one of them, and then swimming all the way to shore?  Now that he thought about it, he realized that he was wet and sore and tired, but the words Hadley spoke sparked no recognition.  He couldn’t remember any of it.</p><p>Maybe he <em>was</em> losing his mind.</p><p>Hadley was looking at him strangely, as though waiting for something to happen.  He wasn’t sure what that was about, but didn’t think he was up to asking about that right now.  “So what are we going to do now?”</p><p>“I’m not sure,” she said bluntly.  “We could steal a boat and head down to Endru, south of here.  It wouldn’t be smart to sail from here directly to the Fells, but Endru is so poor that no one would think twice.  It’d take more time, though.”</p><p>“We can’t afford to take more time!” Finn’s hands curled into fists.  “Alyssa has been captured by Celestine, and we need to go back to the capital so we can get together some more people to help her.  Besides, we have no idea what is happening right now in Fellsmarch; for all we know, the Ardenines or Carthians have invaded by now!”</p><p>“Calm down.” Hadley held up her hands placatingly.  “I know what the situation’s like, but it won’t help anyone if we get stopped from leaving the Deepwater Court harbor.  I don’t like it, but it’s the best option we’ve got.”</p><p>“But—will we even be able to do that?” Finn’s mind was still slow.  “With two people?”</p><p>“Sure,” Hadley said, drawing out the word like she doubted it.  “Didn’t Strangward say that he managed coastal waters once with a crew of two, counting him?  Once we got to Endru, we could improvise.”</p><p>“He could have been lying,” he pointed out, thinking that he didn’t much like this “improvise” plan.  “And neither of us are stormcasters.”</p><p>“Do you have a better idea?” she snapped.  Then she took a deep breath.  “I’m sorry.  But do you?”</p><p>“No,” Finn admitted slowly.  “I’m—I’m just confused, I guess.” That was an understatement.</p><p>Hadley made a noise that sounded halfway between a laugh and a sob.  “So am I.  And I know both of us want to leave as soon as possible, but—” she squinted at the sun, probably trying to gauge its location— “it’s late afternoon and we won’t be able to steal and sail a boat if we don’t rest first.”</p><p>As much as Finn wanted to rescue Alyssa and go back to Fellsmarch and make sure everyone—especially Julianna—was all right, he understood the wisdom of Hadley’s decision.  They wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything worthwhile if they were half-asleep while doing it.</p><p>In an odd stroke of luck, Hadley had had a few coins in her pocket when the ship had gone down, so they were able to book rooms at an inn by the waterfront.  They weren’t large or luxurious, but they fit their needs at the moment.</p><p>It might have just been Finn’s state of disorientation, but the rest of the day seemed to pass by with great speed.  After night had fallen, he sat by the little window in his room, completely exhausted by the events of the day but unable to fall asleep.</p><p>How was it possible that he could have played a part in such important events and not remember any of it?  It had happened just earlier that day, and yet his latest recollection was closing his eyes by the mast.  No ship battle, no sinking, no swimming.  What was wrong with him?</p><p>Finn leaned against the window tiredly.  No wonder Hadley had been looking at him oddly ever since he woke up on the beach.  Either he was going crazy, or Adrian had been right when he said that people’s minds gave them a respite from stressful experiences.  Or both.</p><p><em>Adrian</em>.  Just thinking the name hit him hard.  Was it really only four years since the two of them had explored the castle’s passages together, trying to find places to hide that no one had before?  It hadn’t been long after those days that the previous High Wizard, the royal consort, was killed and Adrian disappeared.</p><p>The aftermath: Finn being recruited into the Highlanders out of necessity while his friend assassinated prominent Ardenines.  They’d grown apart in the four years of distance, but the memories were the same.  And now, apparently, they ended here.</p><p>Some of the pieces of his previous theory about Strangward didn’t fit together, though.  The pirate was a lot of things, but he wasn’t stupid, and intentionally sinking a ship that he was on would definitely qualify as stupidity.  Besides, Finn couldn’t comprehend the reasoning behind such spectacularly bad timing.  If all indications were right, the empress <em>was</em> after him, and destroying his ship in the presence of Celestine’s forces would be an utterly senseless thing to do.</p><p>One question remained, however.  If Strangward hadn’t taken down the magical barriers, who had?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Hadley woke before dawn the next morning, pursued by anxiety.  She had escaped from the wreckage of her own ship alongside a traitor, and now would be stuck with this traitor all the way across the ocean.</p><p>She would love to say that she’d been mistaken, but she knew in her heart that she hadn’t been.  She had stood there on the deck, having just readied the cannons below, and watched helplessly as Finn sul’Mander took aim and shot wizard fire at the stern of the ship.  And, of course, Adrian sul’Han and Sasha Talbot, who were standing there.</p><p>How could something like this have happened?  Hadley and all the others had trusted Finn.  She never would have believed that he could be capable of such an act, but the evidence was right before her eyes.</p><p>Or was it?  In the intensity of the battle, it was always possible that she’d been mistaken.  Finn might have been aiming at the other ship and missed.</p><p><em>Stop making excuses</em>, she thought.  <em>It’s not up to me to explain it, but I saw it.  He couldn’t have been aiming </em>that<em> off-course.  Like it or not, understand it or not, Finn sunk my ship.</em></p><p>At first, she had planned to confront him about it as soon as they came ashore.  But the longer she considered, the more she realized that wouldn’t be a good idea.  Finn didn’t know that she’d seen him destroy the ship, but if he did, he might take action.  She did, after all, like living.</p><p>Besides, she didn’t want to fight him.  Even if she had personally witnessed his actions, she didn’t want to believe what she had seen.  Hadley hoped that, once they arrived at Fellsmarch, she could talk to her brother Ty, who was a healer.  Maybe he could figure out what was wrong, or if Finn had been in his right mind during the attack.</p><p>What confused her the most was how confused <em>Finn</em> claimed to be.  On the beach, he’d acted like everything was a real mystery, and he hadn’t played a part in it earlier that day.  Not to mention all the questions he’d been asking.  If she didn’t know better, she would say that he genuinely had forgotten, but of course that was impossible.</p><p>Hadley hated that she had to pretend she still trusted him, like nothing had changed.  On the other hand, if she didn’t, then she might end up dead and of use to no one.  Meanwhile, Finn would be able to go wherever he pleased, and do whatever he liked.</p><p>She sighed.  This was quite possibly the worst plan she’d ever come up with, and she had a history of making bad plans.</p><p>Hadley was startled from her thoughts by a knock at the room’s door.  “Who is it?” she asked, instantly on her guard.</p><p>“It’s me,” came Finn’s voice from the other side of the door.</p><p><em>And so it begins</em>.  “You can come in,” she said, trying to make her voice sound cheerful.  Or at least as cheerful as would be normal, given the circumstances.</p><p>Finn opened the door, and she was surprised to see how different he seemed.  He’d always been pale, but now he looked almost ghostly, like it was an apparition instead of a person standing in her doorway.  His eyes were wide and turbulent, as if a storm was raging behind them.  Had trauma changed him that much, or had they always been that way?</p><p>“You’re up early,” he commented, coming closer and closing the door behind him.</p><p>“So are you.” Hadley paced around the perimeter of the room, placing up boundaries against eavesdroppers, then braced her hand against the wall and surveyed Finn.  He was oddly jittery, lacing his fingers together, pulling them apart again, and tugging at the collar of his jacket.</p><p>What was wrong with him?  Usually he was a lot calmer than that.</p><p>“So what are your thoughts?” Finn prompted.  “You’re more familiar with sailing than I am, and we need to get out of here.”</p><p>“Well.” She thought about it.  “Like I said, we’ll need to steal a boat to get to Endru.  It’s too risky and too long to go by land.  We have to stay close to the coast to save time, and then when we get to Endru….” She trailed off.  She still hadn’t come up with an idea for that.</p><p>“We <em>improvise</em>,” Finn said heavily.  “Don’t we have a more precise plan?”</p><p>Hadley exhaled sharply.  “You aren’t suggesting anything!” she reminded him, her voice rising uncontrollably.  “Excuse me, but I don’t have a list of plans for backup in case my ship gets <em>sunk</em>, and I get stranded in Carthis with someone who does nothing but complain and hasn’t got an ounce of practical sailing experience!”</p><p>“And I,” he countered quietly, “don’t have a list of plans for backup in case I get stuck across the ocean with someone who won’t teach me what I need to <em>know</em> to have an ounce of practical sailing experience, after events that I don’t remember in the first place.”</p><p><em>He’s still at it</em>, she thought.  She had no idea how to respond to this ongoing act without betraying that she knew he’d sunk the ship.</p><p>Thankfully, Finn kept going before Hadley had to talk.  “I don’t want to argue with you,” he sighed, and he did look drained, in a way.  “I want to be smart about this, so we don’t get caught, and I want to get back to Fellsmarch so we can figure out what’s going on.  If we’re going to sail a boat, which we’ll have to in order to get back to the wetlands, you’re going to have to teach me things.  All I know comes from serving watches on <em>The Sea Wolf</em>, but you and Strangward did most of the work.”</p><p>Hadley wanted to roll her eyes at this display of logic.  Of course there was a reason why he couldn’t come up with the plan.  He didn’t have the marine knowledge and expertise that she did, and she should’ve remembered that.  She hated feeling like a fool, especially in front of someone who had just killed her friends and sunk her best ship.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she whispered, looking down at the floor, hoping she sounded sincere and apologetic.  “I didn’t mean to take it out on you, it’s just that everything’s been happening so fast and I haven’t had time to—to accept it all yet, and I’m just doing the best I can, I swear I am.”</p><p>Finn put his hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture, but she could feel him trembling.  <em>Another</em> act?  “I know,” he murmured.  “Listen, Hadley, if you teach me how, I’ll help you sail the ship as much as I possibly can.  I promise.”</p><p>She glanced up.  He seemed like he was in earnest.</p><p><em>That’s what traitors do</em>, Hadley chastised herself.  <em>They look genuine so that you believe them.  This is the person who used you, who betrayed you and sunk </em>The Sea Wolf<em>.  The person who killed Ash and Talbot and Strangward and some of your crew.</em></p><p>Finn was staring at her with those familiar, yet changed eyes, as though pleading for something.  As though he worried that she didn’t trust him.  Worried that she knew his secret?</p><p>Hadley clasped his other hand in her own.  “I believe you,” she said brightly, knowing it was a lie.</p><p>Finn continued to look at her for a moment, then smiled—or at least, he started to, before his face tightened like he was in pain.  “Are you all right?” she asked, her voice filled with concern.</p><p>“I’m fine.” He smiled the rest of the way, but it looked like he was forcing himself.  “Shall we go down to the dockside to choose which boat to steal?”</p><p>Hadley laughed nervously, and slipped out the door with Finn close behind her.  He didn’t try to engage her in conversation on the way to the pier, for which she was grateful.  She needed to sort out her thoughts, and quickly, or she’d get herself killed.</p><p><em>I’m fine</em>, Finn had said.  The more the two words replayed in her head, the angrier she got over them.  He had no right to speak so calmly after what he’d done.  He had killed the prince of the realm, and the bound captain, and innocent crew members who had been nothing but loyal.  He had no right.  None at all.</p><p>She thought about betrayal, and the price to be paid.  She thought about memories, and the scars of war, and the way that people change forever.</p><p>
  <em>I’m fine.</em>
</p><p>No.  He wasn’t.  And he never would be.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As promised, here is the second chapter!  I loved writing Finn's internal monologue in this chapter.  He...well, you'll see.</p><p>Content warnings:  Magical coercion, aftermath of a serious injury, trauma, discussions of death and grief.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Night had long since fallen, throwing the world into blackness as Finn and Hadley tried to set sail from Deepwater Court in their stolen boat without getting caught.  They were all but blind as they tried to perform the tasks they had to in order to get the boat out of the harbor, but they couldn’t risk using magic to light the way, or else someone might spot them.  That meant, of course, that they were practically stumbling through the jobs, which was not entirely productive.</p><p>True to her word, Hadley taught Finn how to do everything he had to do on the boat.  Even if the progress left a little to be desired, he couldn’t help but feel proud of his efforts, especially seeing as it was as good as his first time sailing.  The voyage on <em>The Sea Wolf</em> hadn’t counted, because he wasn’t allowed to do much of the work.  That had been left to Captain DeVilliers and Strangward.</p><p>Even after Hadley was satisfied that no one had seen them leave the harbor, she still insisted that neither of them use magic.  “Why?” Finn demanded.  “No one is following us, and we can’t see what we’re doing out in the dark.”</p><p>“Watchmen could still spot us from shore,” she said.  “Would you like to get us arrested for stealing the boat?”</p><p>And so it went.  Finn and Hadley had never been extraordinarily close, but they were usually at least friendly, and he couldn’t understand why she argued with every idea he brought up.  It was starting to frustrate him, especially when they were perfectly fine plans.</p><p>What was also frustrating was the slowness with which they were moving forward.  He knew that made sense, given that they were on a ship and speed was limited, but it was infuriating to know that he was an ocean away from conspiracies and wars going on in the Seven Realms.</p><p>Would news of what happened to <em>The Sea Wolf</em> reach Fellsmarch, somehow?  Would Julianna think that he’d gone down with the ship?</p><p>Finn remembered what he had said to Alyssa toward the end of the last marching season.  <em>We can win every battle and still lose the war.  It’s such a waste.  </em>He still believed that—what the Ardenines were perpetuating was more of a grudge match than a war, but yet the northerners still weren’t winning.  And they weren’t coming especially close, either.  Things were only getting worse.</p><p>How had Alyssa responded that day?  <em>I don’t just understand</em>, she’d said with a fierce smile.  <em>I agree</em>.</p><p>At least somebody agreed with him, but it certainly wasn’t the navy’s captain.  It was a couple more hours before Hadley allowed them to use magic to give themselves some light.</p><p>Finn was beginning to notice a slight pressure building up behind his temples, and he closed his eyes briefly to alleviate the sensation.  Then opened them again, abruptly, as he heard Hadley speaking to him.</p><p>“You’ve been working hard,” she told him kindly.  “Why don’t you get some sleep?  I’ll take first watch.”</p><p>Finn realized that she thought he had been closing his eyes out of fatigue.  “I’m not tired,” he protested, trying to force energy into his voice.  “Besides, I don’t want for you to have to sail this ship all on your own.”</p><p>“I can manage by myself for a few hours,” Hadley said defensively.  Then, softening, she added, “Just rest.  You look exhausted.  I’ll wake you up in a little while.”</p><p>Finn caved, still weary from the recent events, and the worsening pain that drummed at his skull.  And the mystery of what had happened on <em>The Sea Wolf</em>, and what was happening to him that he couldn’t recall a single moment of it.</p><p>He fell into beautifully dreamless sleep, a welcome reprieve from the nightmares that had plagued him lately, of battlefields and half-sun pendants and figures in black cloaks.  When he did wake, it was not to Hadley rousing him as she had promised but to the sun that was well above the horizon.</p><p>He rose awkwardly to his feet, shading his eyes against the light.  It glittered across the choppy ocean, a sight that normally would have been nice to look at, but today it seemed hectically bright.  Like the sun’s rays were daggers made out of intangible, blinding light.</p><p>No, not just blinding light.  <em>Midmorning</em> light.  Hadley had said she would wake him in “a little while” for his watch.  Was this what she called a little while?</p><p>As if alerted by his thoughts, Hadley noticed he was awake and waved from her position by the bow.  “Good morning,” she called, in better spirits by far than she had been last night.</p><p>Finn walked over to where she was standing, not reciprocating with a greeting of his own.  “Why didn’t you wake me up sooner?”</p><p>“You looked peaceful, so I figured I would let you sleep,” she said graciously, checking the compass and nodding in approval.</p><p>“But you didn’t get any rest at all,” he replied with concern.  “You don’t have to be the hero all the time.”</p><p>Hadley gave him a tired half-smile.  “I wouldn’t call it heroic.  If you were falling asleep on the job, you wouldn’t get a thing done today, and we need to get to Endru.  Now, can you check the sails?”</p><p>Finn proceeded to be ordered around by the captain to do countless tasks on the ship, but he submitted without protest—both because the chores needed to be done and because he was not in the mood to argue today.  His mind was adrift across the ocean, wondering about what could be happening in the mainland and what could happen yet.</p><p>It seemed as though it took an eternity, but eventually the wind brought them close to Endru.  And with it, another quarrel.</p><p>Finn favored turning west before they reached the port city and heading directly back to the Fells.  “Why waste the time?” he reasoned.  “It would be quicker to start going home now, wouldn’t it?”</p><p>“It would,” Hadley conceded, “but it would also be a reckless move.  A really, really reckless move.  You think we can sail this two-masted <em>fishing boat</em> all the way to the wetlands?  Just the two of us?”</p><p>“Yes,” he insisted.  “Remember, on <em>The Sea Wolf</em>”—she flinched a little at the name of her ship— “Strangward kept on talking about that time he sailed a tiny ship for three days with a crew of two people?  One of whom had absolutely no past experience?”</p><p>“And one of whom could <em>control the weather</em>,” Hadley reminded him hotly.  “Did you develop that ability lately?  Because I haven’t.  And this will be a longer journey than a three-day coastal trip.  Strangward also said that five people would be a better number for a crossing, at minimum.”</p><p>“Since when have you cared what Strangward said?”</p><p>That made her pause.  Finally, she said, “I don’t like it.  We have to play it safe, otherwise we’ll never make it back home.  Seeing as I’m sure you <em>want</em> to make it back, we’ve got to go to Endru and find another ship.  Then leave.”</p><p>Finn pressed the heel of his hand against his head, which was beginning to bother him again.  “Do you remember how hard it was to steal the boat we’re on now?” he asked.  “We nearly collapsed the dock, and that was just an accident.  Do you think it would be easier to take a full-sized ship?”</p><p>She frowned in thought, and he continued on while he had the advantage.  “Besides, if Endru is really as poor as you say it is, who’s to say there will be a ship we could use there?  Then we’ll have taken up even more time when we could’ve been crossing the Indio.”</p><p>Hadley stared off into the horizon for a long moment.  “I don’t like it,” she repeated.  “If this ship sinks, and we drown—there are people in the Fells I want to go back to.”</p><p>Finn absently twisted his betrothal ring.  “There are for me too,” he added softly.  “But this is the best option we have.  We need to avoid Endru, avoid pirate and Carthian ships, and pray it’s enough.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t count on it being enough,” she grumbled darkly.  “Situations like these always work out for our enemies, but they’re never enough for us when we want them to be.”</p><p>Finn shook his head in feigned disagreement—even though he agreed—which set it to spinning, as though he’d gotten up too quickly.  He gripped the rail to steady himself.  “I never knew you to be a pessimist,” he said with cheerfulness that he didn’t feel.</p><p>“And I never knew you to sound that pleased.”</p><p>He wasn’t sure how to take that.  Sure, he’d never been the most social person, and he wasn’t exceptionally fond of talking to people, and he’d heard some people at court whisper that they’d never seen him smile in their whole life, but that hardly meant he never sounded pleased.</p><p>Eventually, Hadley gave in—which, Finn had to admit, felt gratifying after how much she had been ignoring his opinions lately.  It came with the added price of her muttering every hour about how much could go wrong with this plan, and watching him like a hawk whenever he was trying to do work on the ship.</p><p>One day, Hadley was busily trying to construct labor-saving mechanisms designed to make up for their lack of crew, which meant that she wasn’t scrutinizing his every move as much.  This made it immeasurably easier to get things done, and he found himself wandering the ship trying to see if there was anything else he had to work on.</p><p>Finn had already asked, multiple times in fact, if he could help her with anything, and she had sent him away so snappishly that he assumed she must be enjoying the moments of privacy where she could distract herself from the tragic sinking of her ship and the deaths of their friends.</p><p>His mind returned, once again, to the mystery of what had truly happened to <em>The Sea Wolf</em>.  Out of sensitivity, he hadn’t pressed Hadley for details, but he knew there had been things she left out of the story.  What had happened to the barriers that he had supposedly put up?  And if most of the crew had been belowdecks readying the cannons, why couldn’t they fight against the bloodsworn ship before they suffered a hit to the stern?</p><p>Finn hadn’t realized, but somewhere along the line he had stopped walking.  He brought his fingers up to wrap around his amulet, but as if something stopped him before he completed the gesture, let his hand fall back down.</p><p>He knew that if the situations were different, he would be not a little alarmed by this, how he had decided but he <em>hadn’t</em> decided not to touch his amulet.  But he knew instinctively that situations were not different, even though he couldn’t imagine how, and though he knew that perhaps he should be, he wasn’t alarmed in the slightest.</p><p>He felt gripped in unnatural placidity, that he recognized was unnatural but he couldn’t escape it.  His head was still pounding mercilessly, but somehow it was all dulled—not the pain, but the importance of it.  It was as though he could still feel and comprehend everything that was around him, but like it was from a distance, like nothing really mattered.</p><p>
  <em>What is happening to me?</em>
</p><p>As soon as the frightened thought rose up in his mind, it was involuntarily pushed aside.  Frantically, Finn tried to call it back to make himself see sense, but it was forgotten.  He knew, helplessly, that he had been afraid of something moments before, but the feeling was gone now.  <em>All</em> feeling was gone, except for the lingering knowledge that he should be feeling something, and the paradoxical understanding that he didn’t feel anything but was both worried and at peace because of it.</p><p>Finn’s eyes flickered shut, then flew open again as he was struck by a sudden memory.  Once—he could not recall when; time felt meaningless—he’d deliberately closed his eyes and he thought that situation had been like this one.  But…how had it been?  Had something happened afterward?  He couldn’t remember.</p><p>The throbbing in his head intensified, like there was a force physically pushing against his mind.  Then his awareness dropped completely, along with the feeling that there was danger, so much danger, in being unaware.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It felt, to Finn, as though there was a wide gap between consciousness and reality.  He knew he was conscious, even if he wasn’t sure how he knew this, but he couldn’t get rid of the feeling that something surreal was going on.  Something that shouldn’t be.</p><p>He had registered the sensation of all feeling slipping away from him, and then an emptiness not unlike deep sleep but for the absence of dreams.  Then came the spark of memory, the light piercing through the darkness of his mind, the jolt of consciousness that wasn’t reality at all.</p><p>His senses began to return to him in a flood of perception.  He was kneeling on wood, with rough-textured paper clutched in his fist, and he could hear waves slapping against one another and breaking apart.  He could smell the saltwater spray as the currents lapped against the hull of the ship.</p><p>This benign thought was what reminded him he was on a ship.  Was he here alone?  No.  Hadley DeVilliers was here, too.  But where was she?</p><p>Finn opened his eyes confusedly and looked up to find her standing directly in front of him, her hands on her hips.  “What do you mean, it’s too late?” she asked.  There was a tone of exasperation in her voice that said she had already asked the question multiple times.</p><p>“Too late for what?” Finn felt lost, like he had been tossed into the middle of a conversation and left to figure out what was being discussed.</p><p>“You were mumbling under your breath,” Hadley told him huffily.  “You said it was too late, that they were all ready for the last move.  Then something about a key and the rising sun.”</p><p><em>Not again</em>, he thought dispiritedly.  <em>I cannot be forgetting about things that I did, yet again.  This can’t keep happening.</em></p><p>And then the simple explanation struck him, and he was mentally kicking himself for not thinking of it sooner.</p><p>Finn scrambled to his feet, clamping his free hand on the rail of the ship.  “Hadley—what time is it?” This wasn’t the most important thing to ask, given his revelation, but he needed to know how long he’d been out.</p><p>“Around midday.” She shrugged.  “Why?”</p><p>Not that long, then.  But still.</p><p>Hadley was staring at him.  “What were you talking about just now?  What have you been doing?”</p><p>Finn’s mind was racing.  He could tell the truth—he could tell her that he had no idea what he’d been doing, or what he’d been talking about, but she might not believe him.  Worse, she might press him for answers when he didn’t have any.</p><p>He could tell her his suspicions, but that would have its consequences.  He didn’t know if he was right yet, and if he wasn’t, then he’d be sending her into a panic for no reason.  Or she might think he was lying, to cover up intentional acts.</p><p>“What have you been doing?” she repeated, in a stronger voice than before, demanding a response.</p><p>“I thought I saw something over the horizon,” Finn said, hoping he sounded earnest.  “So I was distracted, and I dropped these, so I was just picking them up.” He held up the papers, hoping that Hadley wouldn’t look too closely, since he had no clue what was on them.</p><p>“You dropped the papers,” she drawled with deep skepticism.  “I can’t recall you ever being clumsy.”</p><p>He lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug.  “Like I said, I was distracted.  It isn’t a big deal.” Then, to change the subject, he added with a calmness he didn’t feel, “How did your experiments go?  Anything to help us?”</p><p>Hadley didn’t answer his question.  “Then why were you talking about a key and a sunrise?  And who is ready for what last move?”</p><p>Finn hated having to lie to his friend, but he also didn’t want to jump to conclusions until he’d had time to figure everything out.  “I was thinking about the war,” he replied, his voice hollow as the words made him genuinely think about the war.  “There was this one day, by the border….” He trailed off as he remembered that battle, which really did have to do with sunrises and last moves (although no keys) and was one of the few utter failures of the northerners.  Usually they gave back what they got from the Ardenines, but that day was a massacre.  He was lucky to have been a part of the fighting and lived.</p><p>“Was that when you were wounded?” Hadley asked, gently this time.</p><p>“The first time,” Finn said, reliving the horrors like they happened yesterday.  He’d been incapacitated for months, then unable to fight for a while longer.  Then, when he’d finally been released from the hospital wing and decided to stop fighting for the Highlanders and join the healers, he went to his last battle at Queen Court Vale, and promptly suffered a head injury.  That was the first of many problems with being a wizard during a war—he was instantly a target.</p><p>To be honest, he had been surprised that the southerners hadn’t started attacking him sooner, although it wasn’t for lack of trying.  He’d heard the officer screaming at the collared mages for five minutes before giving up and telling the other troops to debilitate Finn so he wasn’t a threat.</p><p>After leaving the healing halls for the second time, he began to experience the headaches that he immediately assumed were caused by his injury.  But had they been something else?</p><p>Hadley’s voice jerked him back to the present.  “Are you all right?” she asked him, concernedly.</p><p>“Yes,” Finn answered slowly, but he couldn’t bring himself to lie that much.  “Maybe.  I don’t know.” He laughed, the kind of laugh that wasn’t out of amusement but bitterness and anxiety and deep, deep confusion.</p><p>Hadley reached out and tentatively touched his shoulder, as if to reassure him.  “It will all work out,” she said.  “We’re probably halfway to the Fells by now, and the sooner we get home the sooner we can do whatever has to be done.”</p><p>“But we’re no closer to what we wanted,” he whispered, remembering what Alyssa had said at a war council meeting: <em>Does this feel like freedom?  Or a life sentence?  </em>“The princess heir, or the queen, or whatever you want to call her is still captured by Celestine.  She doesn’t have a bound captain anymore.  And now Prince Adrian is gone, too.”</p><p>She took a deep breath, opened her mouth like she was about to say something, then stopped herself.  In a closed-off and distant tone that wasn’t like Hadley at all, she said, “Please go belowdecks for a while.  The weather’s calm, and I need to put up some of these devices I made, and it’ll be easier to do without you looking over my shoulder.”</p><p>“But I—”</p><p>“Please,” she cut him off in a voice that was beginning to sound broken, almost hopeless.  “Just go.”</p><p>Finn slipped past her, not wanting to start up a fight on this of all things, and needing the time alone.  He wanted to find a way to confirm his theory, and find a way to stop it.  Because if he was right, this was bad.  Very bad indeed.</p><p>The first thing he did, once he had his privacy, was take a good look at the mysterious papers he still held.  They were covered in words, in Ardenine—why, when he had a basic, at best, understanding of the language?  —and the handwriting was his.  Despite his relative lack of coherence at translating the southern tongue, he was able to discern phrases that were repeated often—like <em>redemption</em>, <em>empire</em>, and <em>negotiations</em>.  Plus an overwhelming usage of <em>principia</em>.</p><p>This made no sense.</p><p>He tried to recall something that he’d read in a book once.  <em>Theory of Magical Possession</em>.  Hadn’t the author discussed the ways that someone could tell if another person was being possessed?</p><p>Well, no.  According to the book, amulets these days didn’t have the capacity to hold enough flash and enough power to put the theoretical magic into practice.</p><p>So Finn remembered what Adrian had told him once, repeating a story that the royal consort had said before.  <em>He said that he used to get possessed by Alger Waterlow, and it was like he forgot what happened during that time.  His memories of the time were blank, and he’d wake up having no idea what had happened.  He also said that Lord Bayar got possessed by Alger once, so maybe you could ask your uncle about it.</em></p><p>Finn had laughed.  <em>Would </em>you<em> want to ask him?</em></p><p>And that had been the end of it.  He’d never pressed Adrian for more details, or asked for the logistics of the act itself.  Then again, he’d never expected to be possessed.</p><p>But who could possibly be possessing him?  Alger Waterlow had been trapped inside an amulet, which was how he was able to influence the minds of others, but Finn’s amulet was a perfectly normal one…wasn’t it?</p><p>He lifted the chain above his head and carefully studied the jinxpiece.  It didn’t look any different than usual—the same familiar fellscat with its carved teeth bared in a snarl, ringed in small topazes that glinted at the faceted edge points.</p><p>He didn’t notice anything about it that spoke of malice or another influence.  Besides, who would have the motive, or the desire, to possess Finn sul’Mander?  There were other, more powerful wizards that could be targeted instead of him.  While he was skilled in attack magic and briefly so in the matter of healing, there wasn’t much he would be useful for in a grander scheme of things.</p><p>Unless….</p><p>When the thought hit Finn, it occupied his mind so he could think of nothing else.  Hadley’s words came rushing back to him.  <em>I put you in charge of placing magical barriers, which you did, but—but for some reason they came down, and we took a hit to the stern, and </em>The Sea Wolf<em> sank.  </em>But this time he inserted meaning into the uncharacteristic pause between her words.  Pausing out of worry, knowledge that couldn’t be taken back, and fear.</p><p>What had she been afraid of?</p><p>His hands were shaking.  He didn’t know if his theory was correct; there was no real way to prove it.  And if it was true, then he had no idea what he could do about it.  Finn loathed the feeling of helplessness, of suspecting something and being forced to wait until it happened again.</p><p>All he knew was that all his life, he and his friends had fought southerners, and Celestine, to their dying breaths—but he, and what he had become, might now be the biggest danger.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading!!  I hope you enjoyed it.  The next, and last, chapter will be posted next week!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The third and final chapter of this fic!  I didn't go any further than this because I didn't want to change anything that happened in the book itself, and this will lead right up to where they get back to the Fells.</p><p>Content warnings:  Trauma, aftermath of a serious injury, implied magical coercion.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The longer that Hadley sailed across the Indio with only Finn for crew and company, the more she began to feel that every day was a struggle.  Sometimes it was all she could do not to walk right up to him and let the truth slip from her tongue, that she knew he had sunk her ship and killed her friends and he would pay for it.  But then she would check herself and remember that if she did it, she would never make it ashore and would consequently make the voyage a <em>complete</em> waste instead of just most of one.</p><p>She still didn’t believe his story about clumsily dropping the papers, which he would not show her, after being distracted by some phenomenon over the horizon—not that she believed much of anything he said anymore.</p><p>On the bright side of the situation, if there was one, they were now officially on the last half of their journey back to the Fells.  On the darker side, which was almost all of it, Hadley was stuck with the job of figuring out how to share the news that Finn sul’Mander was a traitor.</p><p>Who would she go to first, and how could she say it?</p><p>Queen Raisa?  <em>I have bad news, Your Majesty.  Not only are we no closer to freeing your daughter, but your son is dead because Finn killed him.  </em>No<em>.</em></p><p>Ty?  <em>Brother, I’m worried Finn might not be in his right mind because he sunk my ship and killed the prince and bound captain and now he’s claiming to have forgotten.  Could you take a look at him, so I can know if he was traumatized or just working for the enemy all along?  </em>No.</p><p>Julianna?  <em>I hate to break it to you, but your fiancé just happens to be a traitor who sunk the ship and tried to set Prince Adrian and Captain Talbot on fire, who are now gone.  You should probably end the engagement if you don’t want to die.  </em>Definitely no.</p><p>“How does this thing work?”</p><p>Hadley whirled around, her heart racing.  She saw Finn, and breathed a sigh of relief—which showed how bad the situations really were.  Not only had she been relieved to see a traitor, but for a brief moment she had worried about who it might be, as if a complete stranger would or could have boarded the ship without them noticing.</p><p>“How does what work?” she asked breathlessly.</p><p>Finn nodded toward one of her makeshift steering devices by the tiller.  “That.  What’s it supposed to do?”</p><p>“Oh.” She wrapped her hand around one of the ropes, feeling its rough fibers against her palm.  “This connects to a loosely-attached wheel, see?  It spins in the wind, detecting the direction we need to go—roughly, at least.  Then that activates these ropes, which help to sail us in the right path so we can focus on the other things that need to be done.”</p><p>“Hmm.” He eyed it suspiciously.  “What if this puts us in the wrong direction?  Won’t it take even more time to get to the Fells?”</p><p>Hadley was annoyed at his lack of enthusiasm.  She had spent a good amount of time working on this so that it would be easier for the two of them to cross the ocean, and this was the response she got—doubt that she shared and none of the praise.</p><p>“We would check the compass,” she said stubbornly.</p><p>Finn continued to scowl.  “I don’t like this.  We won’t have the time to keep making sure that we aren’t heading toward the Northern Islands, or Baston Bay, or wherever we would end up.”</p><p>“I <em>know</em> that,” Hadley retorted.  “Look, I know none of this is ideal, and none of this is perfect.  I’m doing the best I can do with what we have, and this should make it so it’s easier to sail.  It would be better if I was an engineer, or if you were an engineer, but neither of us are.  You might not like everything I’m doing, but we’ll have to work together so we can make it home.”</p><p>He tilted his head as though he was about to speak, then thought better of it.  “All right,” he acquiesced.  “I’ll—do you see that?”</p><p>“See what?” she asked, swiveling around so she could have the same view that Finn did.  She sucked in a startled breath when she saw a ship, not too far away now, sailing in their direction.</p><p><em>This is so, so unhelpful</em>.  She had hoped they could sail through without being disturbed, but apparently it was not meant to be.  Worse, she had her suspicions about what kind of ship it was.</p><p>“Pirates,” she spat, turning on her heel so she could look Finn in the eyes.</p><p>Eyes that were now widened with fear.  “How do you know?”</p><p>“I don’t, not for sure,” she said, gripping his arm and ushering him belowdecks.  “But these days there wouldn’t be any trade ships going back and forth, what with Celestine and the fact that Endru is so poor now, and Tarvos is on lockdown.  I say we’re lucky.”</p><p>“Lucky?” Finn demanded, his voice rising.  “To be attacked by pirates in the middle of the ocean?”</p><p>“Typically, people don’t get attacked by pirates on the mainland,” she reminded him, hoping the humor would make him lighten up and know that she had a plan.  “So yes, on the ocean.  Besides, we won’t be attacked.  Here’s what we will do.”</p><p>“Use the glass?” he suggested.  “See if they have any wizards?”</p><p>Hadley huffed in annoyance.  “You go around the ocean and tell me how many gifted pirates you find.” She rummaged around in a trunk that had been conveniently on the ship when it was stolen, and contributed to with the meager belongings they had with them.  She nodded in satisfaction when she found a black cloth, folded up toward the bottom.</p><p>“Then—what <em>is</em> the plan?” Finn asked.</p><p>“I’m still working out details,” she told him, shaking out the cloth, then pulled out a flag hidden in the trunk.  “Here.  Go run up Ardenine colors and then come back.  I swear I’ll have a full plan by then.”</p><p>He didn’t look pleased with this statement, shockingly similar to her improvisation comment from before, but didn’t question her decision and obeyed.  When he came back, she was busily trying to cover her hair with the fabric to make a kind of headscarf.</p><p>“Hadley, what are you doing?”</p><p>She tossed him a long black cloak, then took one for herself and put it on.  “We’re going to make sure that the pirates don’t give us a hard time about passing through these waters.  Take off your amulet.” She took off her own, fastened the cloak, then readjusted her scarf self-consciously.  “Do I look like a Malthusian sister?”</p><p>“You do, actually.” Finn held up the cloak, which he’d bundled in his arms.  “Could you please tell me the full plan?”</p><p>“Yes, but while you put on the cloak.  We haven’t got time to waste.” He shrugged the fabric over his shoulders while she explained.</p><p>“These pirates are from Carthis or We’enhaven,” she began.  “I’m almost sure of it.  But it doesn’t matter which one, because all pirates are the same.  They would <em>never</em> target a ship with priests or holy workers.”</p><p>Finn didn’t look like he had much confidence in this idea.  “Pirates…they don’t strike me as the religious sort.  Are you sure about this?”</p><p>“Not out of faith,” Hadley said, removing his amulet for him when it didn’t seem like he would.  “Out of superstition.  It’s terrible luck to steal from a ship of the church.”</p><p>He winced.  “I would really rather not risk our lives to see whether these pirates believe in luck.”</p><p>“Nearly all of them believe in luck,” she assured him airily, with a carelessness that she felt.  Mostly.  She genuinely was glad that they faced pirates and not another bloodsworn ship, and if forcing a little extra cheer into her voice meant that she didn’t give herself away to a traitor, then so be it.  “I wouldn’t worry about it.  Let’s get up on deck.”</p><p>Finn slipped the cloak’s hood over his head to make his pale hair less conspicuous and followed her, grumbling something about how he hoped this worked and how she had better know what she was doing.</p><p>Hadley realized that they’d spent more time belowdecks than she had thought—the pirate ship was rapidly approaching.  She glanced at Finn, then said, “When I start talking, follow my lead.  Just go along with my story and we’ll get out of this.”</p><p>He nodded mutely.</p><p>When the ship was close enough for them to speak, a person shoved his way to the tiller, like he was captain.  He probably was, seeing as everyone else on the ship allowed it.  “Who are you and what is your business here?” he asked.</p><p>“I am Lauran, a sister in the Church of Malthus,” Hadley called in Common.  “And this is Nathanael, a priest.  We are on our way back to the empire after a missionary journey to Carthis.”</p><p>“Speak a familiar language,” the captain ordered with authority.  “I understand Common, but my crew, less so.”</p><p><em>Well, that depends on what’s a “familiar” language to them</em>, she thought, but refrained from saying it.  In Ardenine, she said, “Very good! Then you are from the empire?”</p><p>“Of the true church?” Finn cut in, with a heavy accent that hopefully could not be detected over the water.</p><p>The captain ignored the question.  “You sound like a northerner,” he noted, carefully refraining from judgment.  Thankfully, Hadley’s gambit was paying off.  Mostly.</p><p>Before she could fabricate a reason for it, Finn volunteered an answer.  “While I was on a mission, I was held by soldiers.  It is a regret that I lost the sound of the homeland.”</p><p>It took all Hadley had not to wince at Finn’s painfully broken Ardenine.  She did, however, subtly step on his foot to get him to stop talking.  She could handle the situation, but the pirates did not need to hear him making a mess of the language he was supposed to know.</p><p>“And <em>voice</em> of the homeland too, apparently,” the captain remarked wryly, to the great amusement of the crew.  “Tell me, how did your <em>missionary journey</em> to Carthis go?”</p><p>Hadley adopted a mournful expression.  “Oh, quite poorly, I’m afraid.  The wetlanders are unwilling to accept religion, even the true faith.” Then, as though an idea had struck her, she added, “Though perhaps you could spread the good news! I am quite sure they’d accept you, a Carthian, and the words you bring.  You could be the catalyst for a movement of the Church.”</p><p>Hadley could tell that the act was beginning to make the pirates uneasy, especially her passionate words about the church.  She could all but hear their thought process—if they <em>weren’t</em> being tricked, then attacking the ship could have severe consequences.</p><p>“Where do your loyalties lie?” the captain asked, but more resignedly than before, like he was almost done testing them.</p><p>To her great dismay, Finn spoke up.  “To the king,” he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  “And the <em>principia</em>.”  How in the world did he know that word if he could barely speak Ardenine with coherence?</p><p>“And the Great Saint!” Hadley chimed in when it didn’t seem like he was going to.  He probably didn’t know the words in Ardenine for it, but if they were going to try and pass off as Malthusians then they would have to add it in.  The priests were known for being wildly fanatic about religion.</p><p>“Do you have any valuables with you?” the captain asked.</p><p>“Oh, no,” Hadley said, clasping her hands in front of her.  “Not in the matter of physical, material things.  People who find their calling in the church are satisfied with simplicity, so we can focus on the noble missions of sharing the good news.  But the Carthians are unbelievers! We must guide them to salvation.  Will you join us in prayer?”</p><p>The pirates didn’t humor them that much, nor did she expect them to.  They merely stood and watched as Hadley bowed her head and murmured a Fellsian chant that she loosely translated into Ardenine, knowing they wouldn’t hear the words.  As she had seen some priests do, she knelt down and tilted her head up to the sky as if embracing the eternity of the world above, then brought her hands together one more time before standing up and mumbling the closing.</p><p>Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Finn doing the same beside her, only he spoke less.  When he fell to his knees, he brought up his empty palms as if seeking redemption for those who rejected the calling of the church.</p><p>She had to admit, he was acting like a devout priest.  Hopefully, this would work.</p><p>The captain was glowering with disapproval, but he waved his hand and glanced at his crew.  “Let them pass,” he grumbled.</p><p>“But—” one of the other people spluttered, not even bothering to lower his voice.  “Why?  They’re probably lying about the valuables, and they’ve got no protection for themselves.  This would be the easiest job we’ve had in a while.”</p><p>“I <em>know</em> that,” he snapped, and the other crew member recoiled.  “But they’re from the Church of Malthus, and I don’t want the curse of the sunken cathedral hanging over our ship.  Didn’t you hear about what happened to <em>The Serpent</em>?”</p><p>“That was the curse?” the crew member exclaimed, horrified.  “Well, I guess we’d better let them go then.”</p><p>The other pirates added in their agreement, a chorus of frightened affirmatives.</p><p>The captain fixed his gaze on Hadley and Finn once more, obviously striving to appear amiable.  “Safe travels,” he forced out with a smile, “Sister Lauran and Father Nathanael.”</p><p>“And to you!” Hadley called back, raising her hand in what could be considered either a wave or a blessing.  “Speak to your brethren in Carthis and share the calling, for the sake of their souls and the glory of the Great Saint!” She continued to call out similar things until the two ships were too far away for communication.</p><p>Afterward, she unwrapped her scarf and turned to Finn.  “Next time,” she began, her voice slightly hoarse from shouting, “if we start speaking in Ardenine, don’t join in.  You aren’t fluent in the language, and you were negating our story.”</p><p>“I’m not <em>fluent</em>,” he said defensively, “but I did make sense when I was talking.”</p><p>“Really?” Hadley challenged.  “Then what about when you said, ‘It is a regret that I lost the sound of the homeland’?  Did you make sense then?”</p><p>“That was the literal translation of what I said?”</p><p>“Yes!”</p><p>Finn winced.  “I used to practice the language sometimes, while waiting for a battle to start.  Alyssa said I was good, but I suppose she was just being polite.”</p><p>“She must have been.” With a jolt, Hadley realized it frustrated her that they were having such a meaningless conversation when he had recently killed Ash and Talbot, and sunk <em>The Sea Wolf</em>, along with her crew.</p><p>“All right,” she said decisively, moving on from the topic.  “Would you trim the sails?  We need to pick up speed so we can get to Fellsmarch before we run into any delays.  I wouldn’t want to have to pretend to be a Malthusian sister again, and I doubt you liked being a priest.”</p><p>At her words, Finn went pale and his eyes widened, shaking his head a little.  “No,” he answered quietly, in a voice that was almost a whisper.  “We can’t do that again.”</p><p>“Well, it wouldn’t be my first choice either,” she pointed out reasonably, “but we might have to if we don’t have another choice.  Why are you so set against it?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Finn said, looking thoroughly lost.  “But it just felt so <em>wrong</em>, like the act was too real.  Like I knew I was pretending to be the priest, but they believed it so easily.”</p><p>Hadley sighed.  “It’s called acting,” she shot back unsympathetically.  Here she had been, expecting something important.  “Keep at it and you’ll get to be as fearless as I am.”</p><p>“Fearless,” Finn repeated, bitterly.  He did still look bothered over something, but said no more.  He brought his hand up to his head like it was hurting him.</p><p>“Are you all right?”</p><p>He shrugged.  “I’ve been getting these headaches, and they’re becoming more frequent.”</p><p>Hadley thought about it a little.  After learning that he was a traitor, she had a hard time believing anything he said, but he seemed like he was in earnest.  His eyes were slightly narrowed in pain, and his fingertips pressed gently against his temple.</p><p>“Is it from when you were wounded?” Hadley asked him worriedly.  “Perhaps I could talk to my brother when we get back.” <em>I was planning to do that anyway</em>.  “I’m sure that if you went to the healing halls—”</p><p>“No,” Finn interrupted flatly.  “I am not going to the healing halls.”</p><p>And that, even though it was unexplainable and confusing and the kind of thing that made so little sense it was almost acceptable, was the end of the matter.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>By the time they reached the Fells and docked in a harbor, Finn had almost told Hadley about his theory dozens of times.  Each time, he would open his mouth and try to think of the right way to phrase it, then remember that he didn’t want to make assumptions that might prove false.  This meant, however, that she kept catching him about to say something and then stopping, so she continually was giving him odd looks these days.</p><p><em>She probably thinks I’m going crazy</em>, Finn thought, with a hint of amusement.  Then: <em>She probably isn’t wrong.</em></p><p>As they drew nearer to the capital city, he began to grow more and more nervous.  How would he tell the queen and the council that they hadn’t rescued Alyssa?  Not only that, but that Adrian and the bound captain were both dead?</p><p>The first thing the council would do would be to ask for details, which Finn could not and Hadley would not give.  He was most definitely not looking forward to this.</p><p>His anxiety was not caused only by apprehension over the meeting.  What if his suspicion about being possessed was correct, and he was about to surround himself with people he cared about?  People who were politically important?  He would be the worst kind of threat—the kind that could not be stopped.</p><p>He would have to tell somebody, tell them what he thought was happening and ask them how he could find out if it was true.  The problem was, he had no idea how to do it without sounding like he was either insane or trying to cover up for something he’d done on purpose.</p><p>And Julianna—how would he ever tell Julianna?</p><p>Finn was dreading having to start working with Vega in the healing halls like he had promised to do, even if he wasn’t exactly sure why.  Healing others was infinitely more appealing than fighting in a war and watching people get killed every day.  But for some reason, when Hadley had innocently suggested that he go to the hospital wing to be treated for his headaches, it had stirred up dismay in him.  He did not know the cause of the feeling, but he knew that he did not want to work in those healing halls.</p><p>“Finn?” He jumped to hear Hadley saying his name, in an annoyed tone that made him suspect she’d already said it.  “Did you hear what I just said?”</p><p>He looked over at her sheepishly, because he hadn’t.  At least this time, he hadn’t heard her because he was lost in his own thoughts, and not because he was busy doing things that he couldn’t remember doing.</p><p>“I’ll take that as a no,” she said, leading him across the bridge into Fellsmarch.  Had they really arrived already?  “I <em>said</em> that we’ll need to go straight to the palace.  I don’t much like the idea of being the bearer of bad news yet again, but the queen should know what’s happened.”</p><p>“Oh.  I agree.”</p><p>“Of course you would agree,” Hadley barked, quickening her pace.  “I’m the one who will be sharing the bad news.”</p><p>When they arrived at the castle close, the bluejackets on duty gave them a hard time about wanting to be admitted inside.  Finn supposed that it was a testament to the times they were going through, but it was a little maddening to come all this way just to be yelled at for wanting to get in the palace.</p><p>“Mason,” Hadley cut in, interrupting the rant long enough to touch the sleeve of the bluejacket nearest them, “it’s me.  Hadley DeVilliers.”</p><p>Mason stared at the two of them for a long moment, then burst into apologies.  “I’m terribly sorry.  I didn’t expect you, either of you, and we can’t be too careful.”</p><p>“Of course not,” she said tiredly, but in a tone of voice that said she wasn’t upset with him.  “Last I saw you, weren’t you in the Highlanders?”</p><p>He grinned.  “Yes, but I got put up after the most recent fight in the borderlands.” He looked at her again, then added, “Wait.  Weren’t you two a part of that expedition to Carthis, to rescue the princess?  Where’s Prince Adrian and Captain Talbot?”</p><p>Hadley didn’t answer, and neither did Finn.  “We need an audience with the council,” she told Mason, following the bluejacket into the castle and through the corridors.  “Or the queen.  It can’t wait.”</p><p>“Littlefield!” Mason called, and a Highlander came running.  “Can you find Captain Byrne?  Tell him that Hadley and Finn are here and they need to talk to the council.”</p><p>“Yes, sir.”</p><p>“The captain will arrange for an emergency meeting of the council,” Mason explained, leading them to a corridor where they could wait until the meeting began in just a few minutes.  “I know everything probably did not go as planned, but welcome home.”</p><p>Hadley forced a smile.  Finn couldn’t bring himself to do the same.  He was distracted by thoughts of the conspiracies at court and what, if anything, he would find himself able to say to the council.</p><p>Commotion from the other end of the door suggested that the other members had filed in—from another entrance, perhaps.  Many were grumbling about the last-minute nature of the meeting, but most were quiet and anxious as to what might be said.  He couldn’t blame them, though he was more worried about what <em>wouldn’t</em> be said.</p><p>He glanced over at the navy captain, who was staring blankly at the wall in front of them as though resigned—and then Finn pushed the door open.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you liked it!  Thank you for reading  :D</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There will be two more chapters after this one, and each will be posted on Wednesday.  Please leave kudos or comments if you enjoyed it!  You can find me on Tumblr @twilightlegacy13.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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